This post has been the hardest to write. I've struggled to figure out how to put it into words but we want to remember each step of this process. Adoption isn't easy and the past few weeks have been hard. We want to be honest about the details as hard and frustrating as it may be.
We strongly believe two things. First, Satan HATES adoption. He is the thief who comes only to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). Second, God LOVES adoption and He has come that we might have life and have it to the full (John 10:10). We know God deeply loves the orphan, he sets the lonely in families (Psalm 68:6), he cares for the marginalized and the least of these (Matt 25) We knew before we started our adoption that it often brings a spiritual battle. With that being said, we didn't fully realize what that would look like for us and how many ways we would be attacked.
The day after we submitted our application, Chris' car needed an almost $500 repair.
Chris met with an orthopedic surgeon and he will probably be having surgery around the time I lose my job and...the next day, our washer unexplainably had an issue and flooded our laundry room.
We have our first home study payment coming up and due to an unexpected tax on my Teach For America loan forgiveness, we owe the IRS an obscene amount of money (One more reason I HATE Teach For America)
We're barely 6 weeks in and the attack is real, we are wholly convinced Satan is attacking in any area he can. I read a quote that says "The devil doesn't come dressed in a red cape and pointy horns. He comes as everything you've ever wished for..." A little cheesy...yes, but oh so true. We long to bring our child home, we desperately desire to please God and draw nearer and nearer to His heart and that is where Satan has chosen to relentlessly attack.
As Timothy Keller points out in his book "Walking with God Through Pain and Suffering" we are walking through the fire. "The Bible calls trials and troubles "walking through fire" (Isa 43:2) or a "fiery ordeal" (1 Pet 4:12). But it also likens suffering to a fiery furnace (1 Pet 1:6-7)...Anything with that degree of heat is, of course, a very dangerous and powerful thing. However, if used properly, it does not destroy. Things put into the furnace properly can be shaped, refined, purified and even beautified...Suffering, then, actually can use evil against itself. It can thwart the destructive purposes of evil and bring light and life out of darkness and death."
For about the past week, I've felt defeated and if the victory in some of these battles has gone to Satan. These words powerfully spoke in our brokenness. What a MIGHTY God we serve! He breathes life in to death, he brings light into darkness! There is victory where others see defeat and we ultimately know that God wins! The victory is His alone.
Out of right response to these truths, we orient our hearts to doing His will even when we feel hopeless and when we feel we are loosing the battle. This past week I've clung to the truths of putting on the armor of God that I might be ready to fight. In this posture, I am able to stand firm when I am attacked, knowing there is a bigger battle being waged. I know the lies said against me are just that...lies. I know I stand blameless and because of that the victory goes to God!
But oh, don't let me downplay how desperate we feel. It leaves us clinging to God, we are desperate, feeling depleted exhausted, confused. We are taking everything day by day and trusting God to walk us through. Whether we like it or not, we are forced to our knees. As desperate and unsure as it feels we are getting to know the heart of God. We are confident we are called to adopt. We are confident that God knows what is best, he knows the path to our child.
Please pray for us to draw closer to God and to each other in the midst of suffering.
Pray for truth to be spoken into my job situation. God has a plan even if it is scary.
Pray for us as we wait to hear if Chris will be going to UCLA in the fall, especially with finances being so unsure for next year.
And...STAY TUNED...OUR FIRST FUNDRAISER IS COMING SOON!!
We strongly believe two things. First, Satan HATES adoption. He is the thief who comes only to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). Second, God LOVES adoption and He has come that we might have life and have it to the full (John 10:10). We know God deeply loves the orphan, he sets the lonely in families (Psalm 68:6), he cares for the marginalized and the least of these (Matt 25) We knew before we started our adoption that it often brings a spiritual battle. With that being said, we didn't fully realize what that would look like for us and how many ways we would be attacked.
The day after we submitted our application, Chris' car needed an almost $500 repair.
Chris met with an orthopedic surgeon and he will probably be having surgery around the time I lose my job and...the next day, our washer unexplainably had an issue and flooded our laundry room.
We have our first home study payment coming up and due to an unexpected tax on my Teach For America loan forgiveness, we owe the IRS an obscene amount of money (One more reason I HATE Teach For America)
We're barely 6 weeks in and the attack is real, we are wholly convinced Satan is attacking in any area he can. I read a quote that says "The devil doesn't come dressed in a red cape and pointy horns. He comes as everything you've ever wished for..." A little cheesy...yes, but oh so true. We long to bring our child home, we desperately desire to please God and draw nearer and nearer to His heart and that is where Satan has chosen to relentlessly attack.
As Timothy Keller points out in his book "Walking with God Through Pain and Suffering" we are walking through the fire. "The Bible calls trials and troubles "walking through fire" (Isa 43:2) or a "fiery ordeal" (1 Pet 4:12). But it also likens suffering to a fiery furnace (1 Pet 1:6-7)...Anything with that degree of heat is, of course, a very dangerous and powerful thing. However, if used properly, it does not destroy. Things put into the furnace properly can be shaped, refined, purified and even beautified...Suffering, then, actually can use evil against itself. It can thwart the destructive purposes of evil and bring light and life out of darkness and death."
For about the past week, I've felt defeated and if the victory in some of these battles has gone to Satan. These words powerfully spoke in our brokenness. What a MIGHTY God we serve! He breathes life in to death, he brings light into darkness! There is victory where others see defeat and we ultimately know that God wins! The victory is His alone.
Out of right response to these truths, we orient our hearts to doing His will even when we feel hopeless and when we feel we are loosing the battle. This past week I've clung to the truths of putting on the armor of God that I might be ready to fight. In this posture, I am able to stand firm when I am attacked, knowing there is a bigger battle being waged. I know the lies said against me are just that...lies. I know I stand blameless and because of that the victory goes to God!
But oh, don't let me downplay how desperate we feel. It leaves us clinging to God, we are desperate, feeling depleted exhausted, confused. We are taking everything day by day and trusting God to walk us through. Whether we like it or not, we are forced to our knees. As desperate and unsure as it feels we are getting to know the heart of God. We are confident we are called to adopt. We are confident that God knows what is best, he knows the path to our child.
Please pray for us to draw closer to God and to each other in the midst of suffering.
Pray for truth to be spoken into my job situation. God has a plan even if it is scary.
Pray for us as we wait to hear if Chris will be going to UCLA in the fall, especially with finances being so unsure for next year.
And...STAY TUNED...OUR FIRST FUNDRAISER IS COMING SOON!!
Keep trusting Jesus. Walk through the doors that God opens and remember Philippians 1:6. And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. Will keep you in my prayers and i'm excited to follow your journey.
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