Late 2013 we had decided to wait for a little while to adopt and to explore Chris going to UCLA. In January I felt more content than I can ever remember, something I've prayed for years to feel. I'm not patient but for some reason I felt content in waiting on the adoption and just fully content in pausing. I wasn't trying to hurry ahead or jump on to the next things (which I feel like I've done since I was 17). Mere days went by and God prompted us to adopt...
And then we got more news...more change. The fear crept a little deeper and took a stronger hold. We realized if Chris went to school we would loose insurance and that can't happen or else our adoption is paused. And the fear crept a little bit deeper, choking a little more.....
And then we got more news. Chris was accepted to UCLA. And I cried, big, ugly, scary tears. Chris rejoiced and I sank into my fear. This HUGE opportunity is such a blessing. He will get to study what he loves and I'll be able to be a stay at home mom (my ultimate dream job). But this added to the fear of not being able to provide. I'm praying for peace and excitement for my husband who has worked so hard. But if you saw my heart, that fear is really deep...
And then the worst hit. We had a 6:30 am call with our placing agency yesterday. In the pit of my stomach I knew it wasn't good and I anticipated hearing the dreadful words they eventually told us. Our adoption may be suspended and it's not because of anything we have control over or can fix. Corruption in Uganda is real and ugly and true. People see babies as a money maker. Parents are told their kids are going to a "home" and they believe that to be like a boarding home. They are tricked to sign away parental rights and then their precious get adopted and move to another country. Many parents return to the "home" (read orphanage) to find out their child is gone...forever. Oh my, I can't imagine the horror. Or, adoptive parents come to adopt their maybe (or maybe not) orphan and government officials ask them for bribes and stall the process until they have selfishly taken.
It's real and it's true and it's ugly. The kids are the ones caught in the fight. We LOVE our placing agency. We are so proud of them for taking a stand and protecting "the least of these." We will not take part in any bribing or in any unethical adoption and we are so thankful for their guidance. However, this brings deeper fear, hurt, confusion.
And somewhere just as deep as that fear is the truth that God hasn't messed up, He knew all these events would happen and even more importantly He deeply loves us and this is all part of his plan. We are so confident we are called to adopt, and even more confident we were called to adopt at this time, through these circumstances. God is building something in us, teaching us to trust Him. We were talking last night and it hit that we have no control over anything right now. I still don't have a job for next year (although there are many prospects***please pray!), Chris will be dropping down to part time or less to go to school for the next 2 years and our adoption may be pausing for an indefinite amount of time. What a humble place to be knowing Jesus is all the certainty we have. While life swirls around us, He stands firm holding our shaking hands. I don't know any time I've not tried to control things in life but in this place, for the last 30 hours I have no control and my only stability lies in Him.
So...in May (no specific date yet), the director of the Uganda program and the head of our agency will be traveling to Uganda to investigate, see if the rumors are true, talk with government officials and judges, talk with lawyers and the stakeholders of Ugandan adoptions.
So here is where you come in dear family, friends and loved ones. We need you to storm the gates of Heaven with prayer. We are praying for a few specific things:
1. That our placing agency would find a way to carry out ONLY ethical adoptions. That they would stand firm on the command to protect the vulnerable but that they would find ways to keep adoptions going and to place the lonely in families.
2. That the hearts and attitudes of the corrupt in Uganda would under go a massive transformation. That they would see the value of human life in their eternal worth and not through money. Pray that they would radically become supporters of ethical adoptions and work to place true orphans into loving families.
3. That Chris and I would daily seek God and follow His plan for us. That we would have the strength to continue fighting for our little one in a way that is pleasing to God. That we would constantly know that our "control" is an illusion. Pray I specifically, would learn to rest in Jesus and not try to manipulate or control the situation but that I would watch as Jesus writes our story.
they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.
Isaiah 40:31
And then we got more news...more change. The fear crept a little deeper and took a stronger hold. We realized if Chris went to school we would loose insurance and that can't happen or else our adoption is paused. And the fear crept a little bit deeper, choking a little more.....
And then we got more news. Chris was accepted to UCLA. And I cried, big, ugly, scary tears. Chris rejoiced and I sank into my fear. This HUGE opportunity is such a blessing. He will get to study what he loves and I'll be able to be a stay at home mom (my ultimate dream job). But this added to the fear of not being able to provide. I'm praying for peace and excitement for my husband who has worked so hard. But if you saw my heart, that fear is really deep...
And then the worst hit. We had a 6:30 am call with our placing agency yesterday. In the pit of my stomach I knew it wasn't good and I anticipated hearing the dreadful words they eventually told us. Our adoption may be suspended and it's not because of anything we have control over or can fix. Corruption in Uganda is real and ugly and true. People see babies as a money maker. Parents are told their kids are going to a "home" and they believe that to be like a boarding home. They are tricked to sign away parental rights and then their precious get adopted and move to another country. Many parents return to the "home" (read orphanage) to find out their child is gone...forever. Oh my, I can't imagine the horror. Or, adoptive parents come to adopt their maybe (or maybe not) orphan and government officials ask them for bribes and stall the process until they have selfishly taken.
It's real and it's true and it's ugly. The kids are the ones caught in the fight. We LOVE our placing agency. We are so proud of them for taking a stand and protecting "the least of these." We will not take part in any bribing or in any unethical adoption and we are so thankful for their guidance. However, this brings deeper fear, hurt, confusion.
And somewhere just as deep as that fear is the truth that God hasn't messed up, He knew all these events would happen and even more importantly He deeply loves us and this is all part of his plan. We are so confident we are called to adopt, and even more confident we were called to adopt at this time, through these circumstances. God is building something in us, teaching us to trust Him. We were talking last night and it hit that we have no control over anything right now. I still don't have a job for next year (although there are many prospects***please pray!), Chris will be dropping down to part time or less to go to school for the next 2 years and our adoption may be pausing for an indefinite amount of time. What a humble place to be knowing Jesus is all the certainty we have. While life swirls around us, He stands firm holding our shaking hands. I don't know any time I've not tried to control things in life but in this place, for the last 30 hours I have no control and my only stability lies in Him.
So...in May (no specific date yet), the director of the Uganda program and the head of our agency will be traveling to Uganda to investigate, see if the rumors are true, talk with government officials and judges, talk with lawyers and the stakeholders of Ugandan adoptions.
So here is where you come in dear family, friends and loved ones. We need you to storm the gates of Heaven with prayer. We are praying for a few specific things:
1. That our placing agency would find a way to carry out ONLY ethical adoptions. That they would stand firm on the command to protect the vulnerable but that they would find ways to keep adoptions going and to place the lonely in families.
2. That the hearts and attitudes of the corrupt in Uganda would under go a massive transformation. That they would see the value of human life in their eternal worth and not through money. Pray that they would radically become supporters of ethical adoptions and work to place true orphans into loving families.
3. That Chris and I would daily seek God and follow His plan for us. That we would have the strength to continue fighting for our little one in a way that is pleasing to God. That we would constantly know that our "control" is an illusion. Pray I specifically, would learn to rest in Jesus and not try to manipulate or control the situation but that I would watch as Jesus writes our story.
they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.
Isaiah 40:31
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