For World Adoption Day I let anyone who had questions about our adoption ask. We're pretty open with what our process was like, our part of the adoption story etc. The only thing we closely protect is Noeline's story as it is her and hers alone to tell. Here are the questions and my answers:
What’s the hardest part? And what’s the best part? 💕
Of the process? The hardest is the wait. It's excruciating. I'm a doer, I make lists and check things off. Waiting, especially pointless waiting is really hard.
It’s hard to pick the best part of the process. Being matched, we finally got to dream about what our next phase would look like, we had a face and a name. Then meeting her, while it was equally hard holding her was surreal. And now, daily life is just the best. Paperwork was far easier when we knew who it was for. It makes the paperwork we're doing now more personal, it's not just paperwork, its for someone.
The hardest part of adoption in general? Walking through her grief. Saying that sounds selfish since our pain is a fraction of hers. Grieving her loss is probably the hardest thing we’ve had to do. We’ve learned that we need to grieve her pain before she does so we can love her well in her grief, not be consumed at the same time. For some reason her big questions always come in the bathtub, I’d lie if I say I’m always a little nervous giving her a bath. Somehow in that space, her guard is lowered and she asks really hard questions. Holding her heart in that sacred space is so hard.
Close second is our first court date in Uganda. We walked out of the courtroom and were pretty sure she wasn’t going to come home with us. We cried, hard, I’ve never cried that hard. I couldn’t fathom putting her back into the orphanage. We didn’t care that all our legal team was watching, we cried big deep sobs. That night was truly awful. After we got home she went to the hospital where we found out if we hadn’t taken her in she probably would have died in about 24 hours. That night was a nightmare but we both remember the most specific details, we remember every agonizing moment so clearly.
The best part of adoption in general is seeing how much our faith has grown, how much more real and close and personal God is. There have been a few experiences, my first time living in UG was one of them, where I can clearly see my relationship with God changed but Noeline’s adoption is by far the biggest way I learned who God is. How he loves me, fights for me, protects, intercedes.
I thought God was good when things went well. After her adoption I see so much of God’s goodness in the pain. It’s terrifying to say it but knowing God in the hard is one of the things that spurred us into this adoption. I hate being uncomfortable, doing hard. I really like complacency but God isn’t in the lukewarm. In the weirdest way we invite the hard that will come with this adoption because in the hard is where we leaned into God the most, trusted him the most and saw his immense power.
I’ve never known God’s sovereignty like I do after seeing how He worked and is working in her and our lives. It’s hard to put into words, but it’s what makes me want Christians to adopt. Without sounding cocky, I don’t think people can know God in the same way without walking the road of adoption. We ARE NOT God, or claim to be. Our role in her adoption highlights our sin and brokenness, we aren’t rescuers but we more clearly see our rescuing. We both feel indebted to her for teaching us more about the heart of God and for pushing us to his feet constantly.
Why adopt outside the U.S.? Are Agencies within the U.S. hard to navigate?
The short answer, it's where we've felt called. There are more specifics on why we chose the countries we did. With Noeline's adoption, international was the only option we explored.
We would really like to do foster care but right now we rent our house and we could never pass a home inspection. renting doesn't prevent us from fostering, but the condition of our home does, we are here for cheap rent until we can buy. So fostering and/or foster to adopt is probably in our future we just have to live in the right house for it. We don't expect to be in this house a lot longer.
We don't feel especially called to domestic adoption (infant adoption) although I'll never say we wouldn't. We have a huge heart for birth moms. We also try to find ways to support birth moms so they are equipped to parent. We truly feel birth families are best when they're safe.
That answer was really long. Did it answer your question? All (3) agencies we have worked with do domestic adoptions so the agencies haven't been an issues, it's more what we feel called to and what is the best fit for our family at this time, but that could change.
How can I support you financially? And thanks for being so transparent with all this!
We will hopefully have an account with Lifesong when we finish our home study. That will allow donations to be tax deductible! But we can't finish our home study until January.
We also have a paypal account that is adoption specific: negretefamilyadoption@gmail.com
And we will be doing fundraisers throughout the process. Have you seen our blog (😁😉) There is a fundraising tab there where we will update our ongoing fundraisers.
What types of questions is Noeline asking about adoption? Does she remember life before?
Most questions right now are more mechanics. "Whose belly did I grow in?" "When is Caleb's adoption day?"
When I was pregnant she asked often when we would go pick him up, or who would his birth mom be.
She remembers very little before coming home. Which is really sad to me. We've narrated a lot of what she "remembers" of living in the orphanage. I think this adoption is helping her to understand more of what her adoption means in comparison to how Caleb joined our family. She has asked about her birth family, her birth mom, what life was like when she was a certain months old as we celebrated Caleb's monthly achievements.
About every 6 months, always when Chris isn't home and she is in the bath, she asks really specific, gut punch questions that send me reeling trying to find a way to answer them honestly and age appropriately.
Our "rule" is we always answer what she asks at an age appropriate answer. ALWAYS. It's her story, she can always ask, we will ALWAYS answer with any information we have or say "I don't know".
Sorry I can't be more specific on those hard questions she asks. THey're often too specific to her story and our other rule is her story is her and hers alone to tell. But, she remembers little of her life before us. She was 26 months old when we met and took custody of her. 6 months later when we came home she was almost 3. When she sees pictures of people significant to her in Uganda she doesn't recognize them anymore. We did write her entire story in a photo book and that has been hugely helpful in her understand. We recommend doing that for anyone adopting.
We gave her the photo books on her adoption anniversary.
What’s the hardest part? And what’s the best part? 💕
Of the process? The hardest is the wait. It's excruciating. I'm a doer, I make lists and check things off. Waiting, especially pointless waiting is really hard.
It’s hard to pick the best part of the process. Being matched, we finally got to dream about what our next phase would look like, we had a face and a name. Then meeting her, while it was equally hard holding her was surreal. And now, daily life is just the best. Paperwork was far easier when we knew who it was for. It makes the paperwork we're doing now more personal, it's not just paperwork, its for someone.
The hardest part of adoption in general? Walking through her grief. Saying that sounds selfish since our pain is a fraction of hers. Grieving her loss is probably the hardest thing we’ve had to do. We’ve learned that we need to grieve her pain before she does so we can love her well in her grief, not be consumed at the same time. For some reason her big questions always come in the bathtub, I’d lie if I say I’m always a little nervous giving her a bath. Somehow in that space, her guard is lowered and she asks really hard questions. Holding her heart in that sacred space is so hard.
Close second is our first court date in Uganda. We walked out of the courtroom and were pretty sure she wasn’t going to come home with us. We cried, hard, I’ve never cried that hard. I couldn’t fathom putting her back into the orphanage. We didn’t care that all our legal team was watching, we cried big deep sobs. That night was truly awful. After we got home she went to the hospital where we found out if we hadn’t taken her in she probably would have died in about 24 hours. That night was a nightmare but we both remember the most specific details, we remember every agonizing moment so clearly.
The best part of adoption in general is seeing how much our faith has grown, how much more real and close and personal God is. There have been a few experiences, my first time living in UG was one of them, where I can clearly see my relationship with God changed but Noeline’s adoption is by far the biggest way I learned who God is. How he loves me, fights for me, protects, intercedes.
I thought God was good when things went well. After her adoption I see so much of God’s goodness in the pain. It’s terrifying to say it but knowing God in the hard is one of the things that spurred us into this adoption. I hate being uncomfortable, doing hard. I really like complacency but God isn’t in the lukewarm. In the weirdest way we invite the hard that will come with this adoption because in the hard is where we leaned into God the most, trusted him the most and saw his immense power.
I’ve never known God’s sovereignty like I do after seeing how He worked and is working in her and our lives. It’s hard to put into words, but it’s what makes me want Christians to adopt. Without sounding cocky, I don’t think people can know God in the same way without walking the road of adoption. We ARE NOT God, or claim to be. Our role in her adoption highlights our sin and brokenness, we aren’t rescuers but we more clearly see our rescuing. We both feel indebted to her for teaching us more about the heart of God and for pushing us to his feet constantly.
Why adopt outside the U.S.? Are Agencies within the U.S. hard to navigate?
The short answer, it's where we've felt called. There are more specifics on why we chose the countries we did. With Noeline's adoption, international was the only option we explored.
We would really like to do foster care but right now we rent our house and we could never pass a home inspection. renting doesn't prevent us from fostering, but the condition of our home does, we are here for cheap rent until we can buy. So fostering and/or foster to adopt is probably in our future we just have to live in the right house for it. We don't expect to be in this house a lot longer.
We don't feel especially called to domestic adoption (infant adoption) although I'll never say we wouldn't. We have a huge heart for birth moms. We also try to find ways to support birth moms so they are equipped to parent. We truly feel birth families are best when they're safe.
That answer was really long. Did it answer your question? All (3) agencies we have worked with do domestic adoptions so the agencies haven't been an issues, it's more what we feel called to and what is the best fit for our family at this time, but that could change.
How can I support you financially? And thanks for being so transparent with all this!
We will hopefully have an account with Lifesong when we finish our home study. That will allow donations to be tax deductible! But we can't finish our home study until January.
We also have a paypal account that is adoption specific: negretefamilyadoption@gmail.com
And we will be doing fundraisers throughout the process. Have you seen our blog (😁😉) There is a fundraising tab there where we will update our ongoing fundraisers.
What types of questions is Noeline asking about adoption? Does she remember life before?
Most questions right now are more mechanics. "Whose belly did I grow in?" "When is Caleb's adoption day?"
When I was pregnant she asked often when we would go pick him up, or who would his birth mom be.
She remembers very little before coming home. Which is really sad to me. We've narrated a lot of what she "remembers" of living in the orphanage. I think this adoption is helping her to understand more of what her adoption means in comparison to how Caleb joined our family. She has asked about her birth family, her birth mom, what life was like when she was a certain months old as we celebrated Caleb's monthly achievements.
About every 6 months, always when Chris isn't home and she is in the bath, she asks really specific, gut punch questions that send me reeling trying to find a way to answer them honestly and age appropriately.
Our "rule" is we always answer what she asks at an age appropriate answer. ALWAYS. It's her story, she can always ask, we will ALWAYS answer with any information we have or say "I don't know".
Sorry I can't be more specific on those hard questions she asks. THey're often too specific to her story and our other rule is her story is her and hers alone to tell. But, she remembers little of her life before us. She was 26 months old when we met and took custody of her. 6 months later when we came home she was almost 3. When she sees pictures of people significant to her in Uganda she doesn't recognize them anymore. We did write her entire story in a photo book and that has been hugely helpful in her understand. We recommend doing that for anyone adopting.
We gave her the photo books on her adoption anniversary.
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