This is the third and last installment of the Q and A series. If you have any questions put them in the comments and we are happy to share more!
Got any book recommendations for someone wanting to adopt?
The author of The Connected Child, Karyn Purvis, died of cancer when I was in Uganda (I'm pretty sure she actually died at the exact same time we were failing court date #2 or #3...it was a bad day). I was an absolute mess, she is my hero, she brought so much hope to many hurting families. She and her team at TCU (Texas Christian University) have revolutionized the adoption world. God used her mightily. There are a million other resources: videos (Karyn Purvis YouTube Channel), the The TCU website. etc. Just search TBRI (trust based relational intervention) or her name and there are so many resources.
Each year, she put on a conference called Empowered to Connect. Her team still does and it's incredible. We went before we were matched with Noeline and it set us up for so much success. We hosted it last year. Every year I learn more and more. I highly recommend all families attend. There is an in person conference but also a simulcast (the simulcast is what we hosted.)
I'll get real here, and I'm nervous to actually publicly say it, be gracious (not to the question asker, but to people in general). Noeline's adoption was about $70,000 (I know, for real) we finalized completely debt free except for a small ($700) loan so we could make rent before Chris started work (thanks to my sister). The pennies were always there, we NEVER missed or delayed a payment. Money is scary but shouldn't stop people from adopting. Someone once said "God funds what he favors." I'm not sure how that statement sits with me, but in our case the money was always there. It was truly a loaves and fish situation. It never should have worked but it always did.
Side note: Noeline's adoption was outrageously expensive, it should have been closer to $35-40,000. We had many little things that just kept adding up plus our 6 months in country.
That podcast is extremely helpful. It is put on by the same people as Empowered to connect/the connected child. I often listen to is and can't finish an episode before I pause it and right away try some of the strategies. It's super helpful, super practical. I LOVE it.
How do you best prepare family members for adoption when you would still like to pursue a birth child?
Lots and lots and lots and lots of prayer, and lots and lots of talking with them. Share your heart for adoption. Why do you want to adopt? Tell them, give them resources. Adoption can be really scary and hard if it's foreign.
I can't remember a time when I didn't want to adopt, so with my family it was more of when than if. Chris wasn't always convinced adoption was right for him, he wasn't against it but it hadn't been a lifelong plan of his like it had been for me. He also had a really hard time wanting to adopt before having biological kids. I had prayed about it for months and then sprang it on him. He needed time to pray and process. Same with our families. We started talking about adoption with our families when we were engaged (maybe even before that...we dated forever).
It's not perfect, and it's still hard and it can take a while. But, for us, we knew we were called to adoption. There wasn't going to be anything that stopped us. But, with that, comes a lot of grade and a lot of educating and then doing what is best for us and our immediate family.
There is also some element of it that they may never understand fully and accepting that can be hard. I know dozens of families who have to tell and retell why they chose adoption, why parenting an adopted child is different and how to help their families treat all kids, biological and adopted, the same way.
The author of The Connected Child, Karyn Purvis, died of cancer when I was in Uganda (I'm pretty sure she actually died at the exact same time we were failing court date #2 or #3...it was a bad day). I was an absolute mess, she is my hero, she brought so much hope to many hurting families. She and her team at TCU (Texas Christian University) have revolutionized the adoption world. God used her mightily. There are a million other resources: videos (Karyn Purvis YouTube Channel), the The TCU website. etc. Just search TBRI (trust based relational intervention) or her name and there are so many resources.
Each year, she put on a conference called Empowered to Connect. Her team still does and it's incredible. We went before we were matched with Noeline and it set us up for so much success. We hosted it last year. Every year I learn more and more. I highly recommend all families attend. There is an in person conference but also a simulcast (the simulcast is what we hosted.)
I'll get real here, and I'm nervous to actually publicly say it, be gracious (not to the question asker, but to people in general). Noeline's adoption was about $70,000 (I know, for real) we finalized completely debt free except for a small ($700) loan so we could make rent before Chris started work (thanks to my sister). The pennies were always there, we NEVER missed or delayed a payment. Money is scary but shouldn't stop people from adopting. Someone once said "God funds what he favors." I'm not sure how that statement sits with me, but in our case the money was always there. It was truly a loaves and fish situation. It never should have worked but it always did.
Side note: Noeline's adoption was outrageously expensive, it should have been closer to $35-40,000. We had many little things that just kept adding up plus our 6 months in country.
How do you best prepare family members for adoption when you would still like to pursue a birth child?
Lots and lots and lots and lots of prayer, and lots and lots of talking with them. Share your heart for adoption. Why do you want to adopt? Tell them, give them resources. Adoption can be really scary and hard if it's foreign.
I can't remember a time when I didn't want to adopt, so with my family it was more of when than if. Chris wasn't always convinced adoption was right for him, he wasn't against it but it hadn't been a lifelong plan of his like it had been for me. He also had a really hard time wanting to adopt before having biological kids. I had prayed about it for months and then sprang it on him. He needed time to pray and process. Same with our families. We started talking about adoption with our families when we were engaged (maybe even before that...we dated forever).
It's not perfect, and it's still hard and it can take a while. But, for us, we knew we were called to adoption. There wasn't going to be anything that stopped us. But, with that, comes a lot of grade and a lot of educating and then doing what is best for us and our immediate family.
There is also some element of it that they may never understand fully and accepting that can be hard. I know dozens of families who have to tell and retell why they chose adoption, why parenting an adopted child is different and how to help their families treat all kids, biological and adopted, the same way.
Comments
Post a Comment